a day to remember...

Will you marry me?...I asked
It was not a official proposal but the "Day" was special for me.It's Mrs. Banerjee's birthday,my mom whom I had never met but only heard from Mintu,my mashi,my guardian and my only best friend after him.
See sweety,actually you know what?
actually what??I asked again.
And this no changed my life upside down.
Mimi,I'm thirsty...Oh! Mimi.
yes dear!
6 years back and I still can't forget the DAY...
Its christmas,I'm in Texas,3 and half years had passed,my cake is in oven...my daughter Sara,she is in pre school...today was her pre-school graduation.My husband,Atul,the most loving and responsible person in this world i have ever met.
and He????
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.....
...
Why He said 'no' that day,is still a unsolved question to me ever since!
though I didn't asked a single question then!After that I met him once more,after my 1st anniversary in India.
Today I'm thinking just because I don't have anything to think about...its a lame excuse,I said to myself.
Or may be because yesterday i dreamt of him or the man next door seemed to me like him or....No! not a single thought is true.
My couch pillow might had burst out if I hadn't smelt of something burning and it was my christmas cake.
Sara was upset and so did I.Though our mood changed after Atul took us for dinner and shopping.
After Atul came back from Sara's room,I thought to tell him everything because after Mintu's death and his departure,Atul was the only close one whose shoulders were always present for my support.More than I love him,I respect him a lot.
I couldn't think of anyone so generous and so calm and cool like Atul.
I tried to speak to Atul but he didn't seem interested because he hardly cared about my past,so I had to find the answer by myself.
Likewise six months passed as if its a day and today my baby is three.
Time:3pm-Three hours left for the party and I opened the envelope.
The first line of it made me drop the envelope.Its from him.May be now I should disclose his name because I'm writing what was exactly written in the letter.
Dear Sniggi(Snigdha),
I know its awkward to write you up after so many years.Actually you never had asked and I feared to answer and may be you will never bother to ask me "Why I left you that day?".Today you don't need the answer may be but it was impossible for me to live these three years with the dream of your unforgetable swollen kohl smashed eyes.I left you because I had no other option to live and I can't see you die without me.I have cervical cancer and long term treatments of kemo therapy are all in vain and few months left me to leave in my 10 by 10 government sponscered hospital room.All I can say, take care and good luck for your future.Do take care of my daughter.I know today is her birthday.I have nothing to give her other than lots of love and blessings and a little gift,such a poor father I'm.Gift is inside the envelope.
love
Rit(Ritwik)
I opened the envelope to get Sara's gift.I got the gift,its a pendant containing photos of me and Sara.I cried like a child and yes I got the answer,Sara remembered me of my Rit.

I'm happy still...

oh my god!!...its not two its three much!!
hw could you bear so much..??.....who is he to tell whats right and whats not....???
if i was at your place i would never let him do such to me and then you have your own life and....Anyway bye.Got some work.talk ya later.
She hung up the phone...I smiled while keeping the phone on the table...
Smriti will never change,she knows who he is still...
its already 8:30 pm and i'm still left for the dough...
....................
He again shouted at me for the roti being hard(though seems soft to me) n curry being cold...but i didnt react...why i dont know...!anyway goodnight...
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today he has brought sweets and tube rose from the market...but forget again to wish me,i'm happy still...hope smriti remembers it...i wish i could invite them but may be some other day...
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....
she called up...Thank god!she has forgotten about the last day.She wished me,again asked me about him...
He was around...so couldn't reply...I'm not scared of him but i don't want his mood go down though nowadays he hardly understands anything...
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Pls don't get up...Do you want some water?
I opened my eyes...everything seems so hazzy but i can't keep it open...so i close again!
Pls try to open mam...your friend is waiting for you...see!
I opened with much struggle...
It was Smriti standing at the door with a bouque of tube rose,my favourite!!
Her face was always cheerful but today its bit sulky,anguish and tensed...still she managed to smile...I tried to smile but its paining...!
She sat at the stool beside me...the white cladded lady disappeared from the room...
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Why didn't you listen to me that day?I told you let him be admitted to some good asyllum but you are too stub-born to listen to anyone...see yourself...
3 months of coma....
I look aside and checked the calendar,its september...last time i had seen him was in mid june,with his wooden stick held high...then i can't remember...
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I smiled again....
You are impossible...At hardest of moment you like to smile...everytime I used to love it but today I hate it...For this you are here,in hospital...
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...
I tried to hold her hand...she reflexed back...!!
I tried again....she let me hold this time...
I spoke at last.....
'Smriti'...
'what?'...
'He is my father.....and he has no one other than me"
Smriti left me alone that day too though not with anger but with a faint smile....
I'm happy still...

Except my room at 8th floor(nightmare comes of lift nt working) n my broken cistern(some ghost is in it may be) n my new day warden as well as our "hitler"-night warden(always planning to put another girl in our room) n the so called highly "hygienic n nutritious" food(sambhar-rice or mainly if something different that too a dal only)n morning hurry(college from 8:30 now) n struggle for existence(word applied by 'me' for gettin a seat in college bus).....n nt so bt many more............hostel is fine...
but....
...
college rocks...though its semi school only(gates open at 12:30 n 3:30 only) n according to abhijit(a bong chana),its 'pressure cooker' bt still i love it...our faculty do rock..specially sam balu sir(gen hod) n our father-divya mam(gen dept)
neverless vani mam(biotech dept) rocks too...
all our staffs specially funny girish(biochem lab assistant) do make me laugh with his funny hindi "bora bora bag" at saddest of my moment...:)
.....
..
n my friends specially sheryl(i'm her ili mari-fat rat),srivats, kunal,analjyoti,mohan n many more...i love them:)

love n proud to be an OXFORDITE...""vidya sarvatra shobhote""
wherever we will go,we will spread our own sunshine...:)

a new beginning or truly an end....??

"Every new beginning,
comes from some beginnings end.

Every time you kill me,
I am born again.

Every time you close that door,
Another door is opened.

And every time you say goodbye,
a different word is spoken.

Every time you look at me
my back is facing you,

And every time you ask to see me
I'll have something else to do.

Every time I join your game,
You're not playing fair,

And every time I really love you,
I pretend that I don't care. "
...................................
i love you dear for dedicating me this poem n making me remember......
i left 'him' lone...:(

Two n half month had past,i'm in bangalore.....long away from my friends,family,love...city...long away from my ownself...
for what???
.....................
may b career or else to show off myself as "mature"...
whatevr...
"I'm" dead...!!

Date:22nd of january'2010
Time:11:52am
Venue:home
yeah!only 53 nights i.e about 1 month n 23 days more specifically 3240 hrs left fr my boards.....or more specifically 194,400 mins or rather 11,664,000 secs.....n now lemme write down my conditn...
1)new chemistry teachr hd jus arrived n started doing 12 organic...
2)physics still nt started revising 12 (rather it will b gud if i say 'studying')
3)biology condition is like "you complete ill start aftr ur dne with it"....still waiting for sir to finish the syllabus...
4)maths-its the fourth subjct..phew!!(ma i cnt tke much tensn...il gv maths xam bt u shudnt b bothered bout its marks)
5)bengali n english-what's the syllabus...?????