When i look out of my window,i expect to see the hues of humanity;instead what reaches my nose is stink of misery...how helpless i feel,how abandoned it seems at times....i turn and pretend to b dreaming.The days haunt me,the night scares me....i know not where to belong,i feel empty....and then i feel i'm no one...i i am nothing,i am a vision,a reflection created by destiny.....a mere puppet with no motivation,no destination,with no insight....only bound with the illogical sentiment of love....that makes my life more bearable....yet more difficult ...more dangerous...........

for me

rakhi...a bond,a tie between a guy n a gal which makes them brothr sistr...

people are born brothr sister or r for their happiness but we r outta society-outta need....

it was fyn to us when others sayd sumthng wrong bout our relatn...still we wr frenz...but wen we realisd its affectin his gal n us too we end up being called as brothr sistr...

n yestrday wen i was lyin in his lap in my car(wht we did alwayz when ne one of us wr tired),he asked me for a RAKHI.

m happy....!!

atlast itz ovr....but wht??? it alwayz getz ovr without any improvemnt in me.

again flunked n chem n will flunk in maths 4 sure....but no regret,no dissapointment n m happy dat puja is ryt da corner,my trip to gopalpur is aftr dat n offcouse da night stay at school....

counting dayz left 4 puja,,shopping,,irritating my folks for dis n that n m on with my own tunes....

forgeting dat i hvnt been 2 akash 4 5 weeks,missed many of its xamz,dnt evn knw bout itz topicz been covered...leave aakash........m bunkin school,tutionz n evry bit of thing (which peopl think i m for) n lettin my career ship drown for wht................................???

m happy dats it...!!

FRIENDSHIP DAY

WISH U ALL A VERY HAPPY FRIENSHIP DAY(BELATED)

friends......a beautiful creation,a heavenly possession, a lifelong validation....this is what friends are.....

the bond of friendship

Thank u for ur friendship

it means so much to me

u r alwayz understanding

and display true loyalty.

My life has been so blessed

since u hv come my way

ur cheerful personality

brightens each day.

In sunshine and in shadow

u hv shared my hopes n fears

u hv made my life so happy

as we hv travelled through years.

Time will never break the bond

of friendz who truly care

so each day i thank god

for friendship that we share.

i got dis mail today only frm him......

" dear jhilik,

i got ur mail last month but some how or other i couldnt reply....m sorry for that...i know u well n i knw ur hurt a lot.....u hv told me all bout ur life n i knw at this moment, ur life is at mess....some years before i was also at ur place....don think that i want to say that my problems were greater or less or same as you but i wanna say don lose hope n believe in urself n in almighty....evrything will b fine by next year..................................................................."

he had send me this beautiful piece of a poetry or a story or frm any damn thing which i m hardly caring bout.....

""You can make life what u want it to be through belief in yourself

what is meant to be will always find away

it is better to be hated for who u are than to be loved for someone u are not

dont let what others think decide who you are

be bold and courageous when u look back on ur life

regret for the things u didnt do than the things u did

what appears to be end IS A NEW BEGINNING......!!! ""

...............

..........

....

may be people will find it dull n boring but dis piece of parts has givn a new dimension to my thinking of my life.....

thank you sir...thankz a lot for dis mail......!!

"ha bhailog,hum ka bata rahe the... ha..,,

anish k bareemein...woh cmc vellore mein 21st rank kiya ha....aur aplog ye easy sum bhi na kar pa rahe hai...................................".n our physics sir continued dis crap for more dan 45 minz...n we da poor ccfc batch studentz half frightened n more dan half disheartened n frustrated was trying to digest his wordz which didnt hav any effect on dat sum other dan lessening our self confidence......

..........

............

..........................

after he left some tried to solve it with or without any result............. n we da so called not studious n "nt so meditorious" students of nt so good batch went out to hav fast food....n dis is what m doing from the bloom of my class 12.......

...

....

........

............

came back home with heavily loaded stomach....when heard dat baba tellin ma..""jano omoresher chele isc te 96% peyece........"".....i tried to over hear it...bt baba called me..""mamoni omoresher chele toh toder okhane pore na..................!!!..ki jeno naam or...??""

i said.."ha ..or naam anish...o ebar cmc te rank o korece........."

n den baba starts giving lecture to mom bout anish.....though it was intended to me...."jano o or babar jama pant pore r mamoni......................................................"

....

......

.......................

it was hard to face the reality but it is the truth dat students lyk anish,shubhodeep,sagnik can only get through dis examz while we the so called trendy peopl can only dream of the stetho on our collars n can waste loadz of buckz of our folkz in order to accomplish the dream which hardly can come true.......

itz nt da end....evryday we say lies after lies to ourselves,our parentz n evryone who pampers us nw thinking dat next year we vl nt b with dem but far away from kolkata,in an reputed medical institute,some where in india........

but phew!!....we only knw hw much we struggle doin a sum from h.c. verma.......n at last leav it n go for anothr one..............................

or go for a chicken roll may be at prime way........

sigh...!!

tears rolled down my cheeks.........


it was a tremendously heated afternoon....i was coming back from my school in "my" car....everything was fyn except the heat outside n abhi"s words which kept on knocking my eardrum..."na re....amra bus e chole jabo............................................................."


it may be 7 words containing only 21 letters........ but for me it was not dat much easy to digest well....


still i tried to give myself false explanation to console myself being overflowed by emmotions......but what i saw at sukanto setu....i cudnt control my feelings...


from the cars window i saw a bus passing by.... a girl was standing just beside the gate....i felt so sorry for that girl...."if" i could do anything for her....it seemed shez coming from her school like me unlike me well seated in an "airconditioned"car while she was standing in a "bus of 20th century".she didnt even got a seat to sit n rest her legs........the bus stopped in the traffic just beside my car....i opened the window to see the girl properly......she waz from our school n from higher secondary section only but her bag made me more curious bout her....i put my head outta window n saw it was none but abhishikta whom i luv a lot...........

it may be the greatest shock i evr hd recieved in my life...

i put my head inside n burst into tears.....my driver also looked back seeing me crying so loudly...


i told everything to ma.....she luvs abhi may be more than me.....but for the first tym she said..."abhishikta eta kore bhalo koreni....." i couldnt eat neithr cud sleep properly..............


i can understand bout satabdi but abhi...u too did the same........................!!shame on my 15 yrs...!!



one question kept on banging my ears..........


"IS THERE ANYTHING LESS IN MY FRIENDSHIP??"

.........!!

m feeling gloomy,, tired,,frustrated.....
last week ma told me " amar mone hoy tor counciling er dorkar........................................."
today baba said "tui kemon palte gechish mamoni...ager moton nei............................."
n now i feel they are right....
my part of drama is over...m doing a new act....!!!

life...??

Sometimes we some how struggle through the tasteless coffee till the last sip,only to discover sugar lying at the bottom.........thats LIFE!!...sweetened but just not well stirred...

what if..??

I am the only child of my family,so from da beginning i was been pampered a lot so whenever my grandparents used to tell me of bringing up a brother or sister of mine,i used to get pissed off n say"ami pukure fele debo" or"ami bari chere chole jabo"......

it was when i was hardly three or four yrs old...

this may be called jealousy but it was rather a feeling of insecurity.I felt insecure that my folks would luv the newborn more than me n my part of luv would lessen.when my folks decided to brought up a child from bhuj(after the severe earthquake in gujrat),i warned them that i'll kill dat kid.Even i told my uncle(babu) not to marry since aftr he had his child,his love for me would be reduced,which i could hardly think off then...this type of self-centeredness should have been stopped before it branched up to a tree....but neither my parents nor my grandparents took any initiative and for which i'm suffering nw...


I'm suffering from lonliness.I am suffering every moment n repent of my childly foolishness.I longed to have a brother or sister of mine...now i just want nothing but a brother or sister who will care for me,who will b dere vth me in my solitude......

In The Depth of Solitude

I exist in depth of solitude

pondering my true goal

trying to find peace of mind

and still preserve my soul.

beautiful quote...

Excellent words by Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam....


"dream is not what you see in sleep

dream is the thing that does not let you sleep".

Dreams are our paints;the world is our canvas.Believing is the brush that converts our dreams into masterpiece of reality.

!!SO PEOPLE DO DREAM AND KEEP UR DREAMS ALIVE!!

inspiration...

its for the one who is my inspiration of creating this blog...

abhishikta...this is for u.....