What I learned....

Life has given me a lot. A lot of ups and downs is what I might mean or the experiences. What I meant here is ; it made me better and not bitter.

Like many other people I had a lot of issues; issues related to innumerable 'why?' to a lot more 'why not!'. From right to wrong to my own prediction and presumption. I had spread a lot of negativity around that unfortunately was like a needle in haystack.

Now dealing with what I learned over time-

SORRY- yes! I understood the importance of this magical word if spoken even though its not a mistake of mine, can work like a candle in dark room. Taking responsibility of a problem is the best way, not only it saves argument but also keeps the peace of mind. It might even happen the opponent understands his/her mistake. I learned to say sorry while it doesn't matter who should be saying so.

I AM ME- sometimes time makes you idealize someone better and sometimes it just make you feel less. I've been in this phase until I learned their is another everyone but not me. I'm me, Prerana. I can take their journey as a milestone but I cant be one of them. They are a part of my development and not self-pity. I would always be happy to be me.

BEING HAPPY- even though calamity strikes, one in real distress often find solace if their near ones are happy. I took this job to be happy myself, so that people around not only get a reason to be so but also try the same on others.

NO PRE-CONCEPTION- some incident that might happen shouldn't take away my peace. I have stopped judging the space between the two lines and have ceased the tomorrow's worry to disturb my today's smile. Sometimes we tend to over-think a situation but we forget that their is always a probability. I believe certain things should be kept as it is and should be dealt one at a time.

BEING A PEST- over protectiveness and possessiveness often make us a trouble to our own life. People are responsible for their own happiness or sadness, I cant prevent either just by being their near ones. I can suggest but cant direct anyone's choice. So the best part to keep any relation safe is thinking it like sand, if you press too tight, it will fall.

LESS EXPECTATION- this is a very hard job when you are close to someone in any relativeness. I might not pass completely in this test but I have been through it to a certain extent. Priority matters not that how much importance Im given. I try to feel the best in least amount of affection provided.

P.S.- I'll learn much more as I age to be a better me, in seeing and understanding the silver lining of each cloud and cherishing the life beyond the horizon.

last few days...!

Months back, a friend of mine from school had started the countdown of the last few days in her college at facebook. I couldn't feel then and felt "Amar eishob nostalgia nei". Today its the last Saturday I would have been in college uniform that I hate the most. I preferred not to wear though.

I remember how I turned from being a illi madi to a gym girl to Peru, the model organism of Genetics Department. Pavana mam is going to miss giving live examples of all diseases probably.

Within a couple of days Ill be at home for study leave and its over. Did I really slept through this semester ? I wish I could say its not over yet.

Wait a minute, am I going to feel the same and not be a stereotype? Im going to miss out so many things. I might jot down few what or who Im going to re-think.

• Bunking classes for sleeping and spending time at home would top the priority list
• Excuses of my gaining weight and not wearing the uniform ( I hate it still)
• Getting intimidated as well as knowing a different person in Pavana Mam. I love her smile.
• Raji mam and the colorful drawing with the evergreen smile. Arpita mam and bong connection ( I hardly spoke with her in Bangla ). My fat elephant mam, Kriti mam and the student I see in her (Im surely going to attend your wedding). Ashok Sir tried a lot to fit in this jigsaw puzzle though he aways made me miss Sam Sir more. Still you stand through all our complains with your patient smile.
• Ill miss the Drosophila , the labs , my complains about my classmates and so many more.
• The PNPC with Swapnadeepa ( she will always be- ma amar) , the bond and bongness we share.My fights with Arindam and the little talk (secret) at backstairs hiding from everyone. The copy girl and candycrush queen Chaithra and the sweet girl Amitha. The long hair of Vimala and the quietest Aishwarya with the gamer irritating Anas( the only Y chromosome of our department). Im surely going to miss this small department of us.
• All the great deeds we did and all the rules we broke to come out best in creativity. I guess a little more sweetness came from the achievements so far-from dance to skit, from organising fest to Communal Harmony Day celebration, all within this span of 2 years. 

I  might not be that cheesy to sing "Yaad ayenge ye pal" in my last day but surely I will miss being a student once again.

Till then I wish myself luck as well others for the coming days.

 .

Women oh! no... Im Human

Im a woman, not meant to be glorified of my values, beauty tradition or sacrifices and compromises Ive done till date
 I dont want to be worshipped neither to be raped or abused and made aware of my weak physical aspects
 I dont need reserved seats in bus or reservations for proving my intelligence
 Dont think me a burden father, I can earn a living and wont need to be married out of societal nuisance
 Dont you dare think Ill change my surname or take your responsibilities or change my home just because Im a woman
 Why for a change, you try the same for few centuries , my future husband?
 And my son(s), who are not born yet,
 I dont want u to remember my birthday or mothers day in years but I do prefer to see you tie rakhi on your sisters hand
 And my sisters, daughters and mother
 Your gender might be your weakness but your species is your strength
 You are an intelligent,vibrant dynamic organism
 Before someone think you a feeble woman show them your nails and canines, oh! human
~Prerana
#beingwomen

Valentine...oh! no

Yeah! That was my reaction a year and half back when I was asked for "Will you be my Valentine for rest of the life? " in a very filmy way much to my surprise.
Im very unpredictable at most of the time. I seek attention but when I get it,I loose the interest. That time, I prefer to run away even. I run away from love that is showered on me but cherish those given to others. I love the confrontation of lovers, the moment they meet and eternity strikes, my eyes twinkle and I get goose-bumps even seeing a romantic movie or reading a novel of similar genre.
Weird it sounds! Isnt it??
Probably,that is the cause of me getting into anyone's troubled relation and countless trials to bring them together.I might not succeed always but I get happiness.

I love to possess. That is a very pessimistic thought I got while buying a pair of arrow jackets for myself last weekend. Im impulsive when it comes to buying at times, I try to get things that people dont prefer to buy(I love to wear in dull shades) or is a single piece available,sometimes I hate shopping in malls where multiple copy of the same dress of different sizes are available.
Hell many keedas I have.
 I dont like something expensive but something that is one of a kind and yet to be mine.
Some of my friends think Im lucky to have such a guy in my life. Im lucky may be if not he is not unlucky being with me,I fear he might be a part of my same thought process (to possess)!
I hope all my thoughts about myself  be wrong and my feelings for him are real and true. That might the best gift I can give him this V-day.

To miss him or not !!

Its just an hour since he has boarded his train to his city and I have texted him,called him for more than 20 times and later even convinced him as well as mine that Im not going to miss him.
Surely I wont (if I prefer to lie).
Damn! I didn't go to college even. And my neighbour preferred to play ' Awarapan' today morning than Ricky Martin or Bruno Mars.
He must be passing through the big fields by now while the chilled breeze tousled his hair.
I wonder, I might miss him not less than a lot.
Hope will keep me happy :)

Alone uh!...No its lonesomeness!

It was one of the long hour phone call I had with my baba,that usually takes place on Sunday. My ma claims I have inherited everything from her (as if Im parthenocarpic) but it seems I have got the dominant 'gene of speaking' from my dad.
Literally 'of speaking less'.
What is the reason behind bringing the topic of speaking is, I love to be alone.At times I just stare at my phone even though Im geting a call and learning about it however, this news was been transferred to baba's. He is himself an introvert though not a loner.
I have always had a problem with the word alone or loner and also I dread about lifelong confinement as marriage.
 So when he asked me, I thought he will start searching for the reason and parents blaming an animal called boyfriend for anything wrong in their daughter's life is an Indian standard law. But, to my surprise we had an excellent conversation about the relativeness of being lonely and how it changes with our age. We had an argument of it to call lonesomeness.
He though speaks less and has very few measures to express himself (may be we have never provided him) told what Im trying to concise in brief.
Alone, loneliness, loner, lonesomeness,loneliness,alone are like the phases of human life and it has a circle like life and death.
We are born alone, suffer from loneliness when our loved ones leave us, act like a loner in crowd and their creeps an awesomeness of being lone i.e we start loving it as if we were seeking for it,here we are in the phase called lonesomeness. Slowly with age, loneliness subsides the awesomeness, we become weak and dependent and atlast we die alone.
I know it might sound absurd but he never had sound so true. It might be bit depressing as I have brought up with a very negative kind of topic.
In a lighter note, he had some more thing to tell. As Im in phase 4 and he is somewhere between phase 5 and 6 , he wishes me to be prepared for the next two phase which might be terrible.
Do you want to marry or already have someone fixed??
P.S. Wow! My dad just have won the prize for changing my amusement to disappointment ! Ive underestimated his expression it seems.

Happy 'weird' Anniversary to me !!

Well,Its so weird...sigh!
When its just perfect and you have everything you wanted ever, you just don't need it, you feel like its not for you as if you were never seeking for it.
I wanted to just walk away from it like its not what I want or ever wanted.
Every other thing seems more important than to be a part of it, my first ever anniversary.
Yes! An achievement for a confused person like me. But if I look back, we hardly fought like  grown ups, all other tiffs were like arguments which I would have witnessed with any other unbiased friend of mine.
Look at me,awake this late to update my blog about my stupid feelings or random thoughts...whatever, when my guy is busy making my day worth by getting some good sleep with his exams on one side and our day on other side. We are going to be out for a official 'date' except their wont be any official offcourse (very wrong pj at right moment)
I mean I have always wanted to be a part of this feeling, that is being loved like Im the one and only one for that person. Its not that I have not been in a relationship ever but that all lacked all the biology chemistry, spirituality or whatever and also I wasnt into it like I am this time.
Now that I have him, I want to be alone once again. I want to travel...alone, watch movie...alone, shop, eat lunch and everything with myself. I dread his company for God knows why !!!
Although I have lost my sanity, still... Happy Anniversary to me.
P.S.- I have capability to ruin my own world. Beware! Before taking me as an inspiration( Ah! I owe to my name lol)